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Personal Change Outcome Report

The unwanted habit that I tried to improve was self-criticism. In the last few months, while attempting to improve this bad habit, there had been a few instances where I realized my unwanted habit surfaced. The first example that comes to mind took place at work. My super-shy, anxiety ridden mind inhibited me from speaking up. That, tied with my generally serious demeanor lead my co-workers to think I was withdrawn and uninterested in establishing dynamics with them. Because of this, my ability to be heard when making executive decisions was hindered, and working as a team was made difficult.

A second time is not only one time, but a number of previous interpersonal failures that I realized I had when I was in the process of developing past romantic relationships. My self-criticism made me very insecure which resulted in jealousy, codependency and an imbalance of power. Not one, but two previous relationships ended because of this bad habit. Comparing myself to other girls, comparing my relationship to other seemingly-happy couples was ruinous to both. After my first failed relationship, my ex-partner was nice enough to tell me that our issues stemmed from my insecurities. My second relationship was a bit better, but my communication faults still pushed my then-boyfriend away.

After, I thought going into another relationship with a different mind set would be better, but unfortunately, bad habits cannot be broken in a manner of weeks. After months of routinely practicing positive reframing, and emitting a welcoming demeanor, I’ve been able to better this habit. I’ve also learned that it’ll be an ongoing learning experience.

In my efforts to kill this habit, I plan on implementing mindfulness when I begin my self-comparing patterns. First, with regard to my workplace dynamic, I planned on recognizing the culture and identifying the values shared in my work space and working toward adapting to them, even if they are a bit out of my comfort zone. I have realized that the reason I was drawn to my industry in the first place is a huge shared value: a shared love for skiing. This alone has been enough to establish connections with some of my peers. I’ve even made new ski partners. As the old saying goes: “you learn more about a person in an hour of play than in an hour of conversation”. This mutual adoration for the mountains and playing in snow has broken some communication barriers.

A second strategy I plan to implement is recognizing and curbing when I am having feelings of cognitive jealousy. In all honesty, working through my own thoughts and realizing there is no need for such jealousy sounds nearly impossible. This is particularly difficult due to the fact that it has been my norm for 28 years. Developing a friendship-based intimacy and establishing a foundation with trust and mutual understanding before jumping into a relationship should help reduce my anxiety which contributes to self-comparing habits. This in turn should help me establish deeper, more intimate connections with friends, coworkers, romantic partners, and all other peers.